What constitutes Sleep Training?

It can be hard to know what is and isn’t Sleep Training at first, especially with so many sleep trainers having very good marketing skills, making it very tricky for a tired parent to distinguish sleep training techniques that have been cushioned and trussed up with words that sound so gentle and caring.

So, for the purposes of the project, we’d like to clarify what we consider Sleep Training.

The following techniques are all types of sleep training that are outside the ethos of this group/project:

• Cry It Out/ CIO/ Full extinction method: Putting the baby down awake with total removal of caregiver response, followed by unattended crying until it ceases or is ‘extinguished’.

• Controlled Crying/ Comfort Crying/ Spaced Soothing/ Ferber Method: Putting the baby down awake, returning for brief non-contact checks at arbitrary intervals such as 5 mins, 10 mins, 15 mins for as long as baby is still crying.

• Pick Up, Put Down: Repeatedly putting the baby down awake and picking up every time they cry, for as many times as it takes for baby to stop crying.

• Camping out/ Gradual Retreat/ Techniques containing ‘Shuffle’: sitting next to the cot while the baby cries, and gradually retreating outside the room.

• Crying In Arms/ Stress- release crying: Holding baby while they cry at sleep time, but without active soothing by rocking or feeding or responding to their needs.

• Responsive Settling/ Comfort Settling/ Soothing Ladder: Attending when a baby cries but with the least amount of response possible, escalating response with increasing crying. This usually involves shushing and patting the mattress or baby, no eye contact and ‘distinguishing between types of cry’, only responding to intense or ‘emotional’ cries. This is the preferred technique of most sleep schools (public and private), and is used with the caregiver both in the room and outside of the room.

Basically, each of these techniques involves a parent deciding that their child needs to find sleep independently in a solitary space.

They all promote ‘self settling/soothing’ and all focus on the child’s behaviour as problematic and in need of fixing.

Each one involves breaking communication between parent and child and limiting responsiveness.

IF you are able to place your baby down and they happily pop themselves off to sleep, roll with it!!

But, please know that if this is achieved without training, this is the result of your baby’s temperament, and a completely different kettle of fish.

Please also know that it is perfectly normal and okay if your same baby’s needs change, and they need more help and comfort to sleep throughout their first few years of life. Sarah Ockwell Smith has done a great job explaining why babies like this are often described as ‘self soothers’ but this isn’t actually the case.

The Self Soothing Babies who are not Actually Soothing Themselves at all

Does this mean we only recommend ‘Waiting It Out’?

No. Many people choose to Wait It Out, but that’s not for everyone.

In The Beyond Sleep Training Project, there will be windows in time throughout your child’s early years where you may wish to try different ways to help your child find sleep with less input. This involves making gradual changes, and always responding to your child’s communication.

Anytime you are trying something out and you draw a line in the sand between you and your child and decide that XYZ will happen, you are stepping into the sleep training realm. If your child is saying they need X but you are only willing to do Y and you continue to follow a process that you can see your child isn’t coping or ready with, you have entered into sleep training territory.

Our members and team will help you identify ways you can support your child to accept changes in a gentle and responsive way, that’s what we’re here for.

If you attempt changes while working WITH your child and listening and honouring them throughout the process then you can be sure you’ll also know when you should pause or pull back from the process as your child lets you know they are simply not ready yet.

This doesn’t mean they’ll never be ready, they just aren’t ready right now.

Our little ones develop so much in their first few years, that something that may not work now, could work in a couple of weeks.

This is the heart of moving beyond the sleep training culture – working with our children, not against them.

At some point, your child will have developed the capacity to understand more of what you’re saying, and will be able to accept change more readily. Usually this is when the child has started speaking in sentences.

Does this mean when they can speak in sentences, it’s okay to leave them to learn to sleep alone as long as you let them know? Absolutely not. No matter what age, the legitimate need for comfort, closeness and support to find sleep needs to be honoured and recognised.

When your child IS ready to begin sleeping more independently, you will find your parent-led attempts will meet little to no resistance and result in no distress. A child who is frustrated with a change, but is able to communicate or accept comfort in a different way is very different to a toddler who is distressed and not coping. Parents are uniquely able to negotiate changes for their unique child by listening to their response as a guide for whether that child is ready or not and support and respond accordingly.

Never fear asking questions in the group, though, as we have all arrived at different parts of our journey, and all need clarification and understanding at various times. 

For information on gentle night weaning check out:

The Milk Meg- https://themilkmeg.com/the-night-boob-how-to-gently-night-wean-your-toddler-from-breastfeeding-and-bed-sharing/

Sarah Ockwell-Smith- https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2014/08/10/how-to-gently-night-wean-a-breastfed-baby-or-toddler/

Pinky McKay’s awesome (and free) eBook- http://www.pinkymckay.com/pdf/pinky_mckay-weaning_with_love_ebook.pdf

For information on considering gentle changes to sleep patterns, check out books and blogs by:

Pinky McKay- Sleeping Like a Baby and http://www.pinkymckay.com/beating-bad-habits-gentlywith-love/

Sarah Ockwell Smith- The Gentle Sleep Book and https://sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/09/05/8-ways-to-encourage-better-baby-toddler-sleep-without-sleep-training/

The Milk Meg- Boobin All Day, Boobin All Night and https://themilkmeg.com/so-what-happens-when-that-attached-high-needs-fussy-baby-baby-grows-up/

Elizabeth Pantley- The No-Cry Sleep Solution series

Dr Pamela Douglas of NDC- The Discontented Little Baby Book

For more tailored support to consider changes to sleep, consider consulting with:

Tracy Cassels of Evolutionary Parenting- http://evolutionaryparenting.com/consultations/

Sarah Ockwell Smith – https://sarahockwell-smith.com/services-for-parents/

Meg Nagle of The Milk Meg- https://themilkmeg.com/breastfeeding-consultations/