GUEST POST: How will I manage my second baby as well as my firstborn?
by Lois Wattis
How will I manage my second baby as well as my firstborn?
This thought can strike a sense of mild panic in the minds of parents expecting their second baby. The first one has been all-consuming, all-endearing, and now you’re adding a newborn to your busy household and lives. Here are some tips to consider, especially if breastfeeding your newborn successfully is a priority.
Reflect on your first parenting journey.
What made is wonderful? What made it difficult? What worked to help your firstborn feed and sleep well? What mistakes did you make that you’re sure you won’t do again? It can be helpful to make a little list of these reflections and add to it as other memories come along. Learning from our experiences is important, and so is FORGIVING OURSELVES for the mistakes (and EVERYONE makes mistakes).
Prepare ahead for yourself and your older child. Of course, this depends on the age of your firstborn and his or her ability to understand how their world is about to change. Here are a few suggestions.
Preparing Number One
READING BOOKS – Reading appropriate books with your child is a great way to introduce the concept of a baby coming and how they can be included in the activities of looking after a baby. I have a little library of these books (see book covers for examples) and there are bound to be others readily available from your local library or bookstore. Little ones love the repetition of stories and illustrations, so reading the books as often as he or she shows interest in “a baby is coming” will be helpful preparation.
Seeing images of baby breastfeeding can be particularly useful especially if they are not in contact with other breastfeeding mothers. The discussion can then follow about the baby needing special milk only Mummy can give, and if you are still breastfeeding your older child introducing the idea of sharing Mummy’s milk is really important. “Mama’s Milk” is still a favourite as it shows lots of animals feeding as well as a human baby.
ROLE PLAY – Playing games that mimic caring for a baby before baby arrives can be helpful, and boys will enjoy this as much as little girls. Playing games with your older child such as pretending to dress and wrap dolly or teddy, and carry it carefully, pretending breastfeeding, and placing it in a bed (a cardboard box will do) covering it over and kissing it goodnight can be a fun way for him or her to begin to understand “caring”.
If a new baby doll is given to the toddler when the new baby arrives revisiting the caring games which are already familiar are fun for him or her to demonstrate while you are busy breastfeeding the newborn. Likewise, reading the now familiar baby-related books while you’re breastfeeding can occupy the child as well as help their comprehension of what is now a reality. Involving your toddler in the daily care of baby will foster a sense of importance and they can also be surprisingly helpful fetching things for you at times.
PICNIC GAME – This was a favourite activity during the crazy times I personally experienced having “three under four”. While pregnant with my third bub I introduced “picnics” to the nearly 4 year old and 2 year old. It was a simple affair where a few favourite foods were made/collected and little drink bottles packed into a plastic container – marked with their names to avoid fights, and when it was “picnic time” usually mid-afternoon, a rug was spread out on the floor or outside if the weather was good, and they had their picnic while I sat and breastfed baby 3. I could direct affairs from nearby, often food items were traded, and it was a fairly relaxed time together which also achieved the object of getting them fed a snack before I began organising dinner. They also learned about packing up afterwards, sort of. Tip – if your older one is still little, use a mat that is easy for him to lay out himself to avoid a toddler meltdown because it won’t lay flat and straight – or maybe that was just my perfectionist child?
Preparing Yourself
This is also important, but also, don’t overthink it. As I mentioned at the beginning, it is good to review your past experiences, learn from them, and forgive yourself for mistakes you may believe you made. If you have all survived, you have succeeded so far.
PREPARING FOR BREASTFEEDING
Antenatal Expression of Colostrum - Many pregnant women are advised to collect colostrum before birth for a variety of clinical reasons. Many others decide to aim for a head start when baby is born by collecting and storing colostrum from about 36 weeks onwards, so they have a stash of colostrum to give baby if he or she needs supplementation in the early days. If this idea appeals to you I have a useful link here https://vimeo.com/420895736 to give you the heads-up about antenatal expressing. Discuss it with your own caregiver first – it’s not for everyone. However, if you experienced struggles establishing your milk supply previously this can be very helpful, and it’s reassuring when you know you have a Plan B in place should Plan A get wobbly.
Breastfeeding 101 - Even if you have nailed breastfeeding with your firstborn without a hiccup, it can be really helpful to revisit the basics of optimal positioning and attachment technique prior to the arrival of your next baby. I say this for a couple of reasons. Most experienced breastfeeding mothers become quite blasé about how their older baby latches and feeds and it is common for midwives to observe “she’s feeding her newborn like a toddler”. Most newborns do need at least a little guidance to achieve a deep and comfortable latch which ensures effective removal of the luscious colostrum. Also, ensuring optimal positioning and attachment technique protects the mother’s nipples from trauma.
To help you review these breastfeeding essentials I’m sharing links to my free breastfeeding videos. My NewBaby101 video “Breastfeeding your baby ” https://youtu.be/NTblsdJ_qck has been live on YouTube for a number of years and has had almost 55K views. My new video “Latching a Newborn for Comfortable and Effective Breastfeeding” is usually only available to my private Lactation Consultancy clients, however I have decided to share it with this special group here https://youtu.be/KCvU0RPTFD4 If you have had a longer break from breastfeeding you may find this refresher even more helpful to achieve comfortable, confident breastfeeding.
ACCEPTING HELP
Many of us realise we had unrealistic expectations of life with our first baby and knocked ourselves out trying to be perfect new parents. This time, I strongly recommend organising the right help which you will need in advance of baby number 2’s arrival. If you have doting grandparents ready and available to help in practical ways as you adjust to your new baby you are in a very blessed position. Many others are not so fortunate, so enlisting the right support well before baby arrives is a very good move.
If your toddler is going to be cared for by someone other than your partner ensure they are well known to the little one beforehand. This will make the time away from you and your partner much easier for the toddler and for the carer. Perhaps it will be a friend or neighbour who will be on call for when it is time to go to the hospital – create your supportive tribe now, and you may be able to return the favour for them sometime in the future.
Your partner is likely to be busily occupied and equally tired supporting you, your newborn and your older child in the early weeks. If you can afford it consider hiring a postnatal doula, or even a part-time housekeeper, for a few weeks. Some councils provide home help to new mothers so make inquiries there too. Accepting help can be hard for some people, but it can really make a big difference to your transition to parenting a couple of kids.
Professional support can be extremely helpful too. Befriend a good GP. Utilise your Maternal Child Health Services which are available in almost every locality. If you encounter breastfeeding problems seek out an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant https://www.lcanz.org/find-a-lactation-consultant/
And finally, good social networks like this wonderful group The Beyond Sleep Training Project can also provide support and encouragement.
Guest post by
Lois Wattis
Clinical Midwife & IBCLC
